Sometimes I think that if my biggest dream was to find a man, to have a family, life would be easier. Maybe people wouldn’t look at me with large eyes, wondering if I’m crazy. Maybe I wouldn’t feel like living in the same place for two years is to be stuck. Maybe my biggest fear wouldn’t be regrets.
Sometimes it feels almost stressful, wanting to see the whole world. Wanting to learn from every culture. Wanting to see everything for myself. But then I think back to the trips I’ve made. To the amazing things I’ve seen, to the amazing people I’ve met. How I felt on the road. How I felt at home. It’s kind of funny, how I feel more at home on the road with my backpack than I feel in my own apartment. I love my job, I love my apartment, I love my friends and family. It’s just that I belong on the road. I can feel it deep inside me. I can’t explain it, not so all of you understand it. Maybe some of you do, maybe I’m not alone feeling this.
I feel stuck right now. I’m planning to leave, but nothing is decided yet. My bank account isn’t exactly where I want it to be, I haven’t gotten a replay from the volunteer organization I contacted, I wont know if I’m accepted to the international health course until April. Nothing is happening right now. Nothing but dreaming, and planning and more dreaming. I’m obsessed with backpacks and packing lists. I’m thinking about what things in my apartment I would like to save and how I’m going to get rid of the rest.
Some people might think I’ll never get going. That I won’t get rid of all my things. That I wont quit my job. That I’ll change my mind and suddenly want a baby and a family like everyone else. I guess only time will tell. But I’m sure. I know what I want to do. And why wait? There will never be a perfect time.
Next winter I will not be in Sweden.